Night & Day

The first infusion with Phillip's new chemo regimen has come and gone and it has brought a few skin rashes as well as pre-cancer Phillip energy. There is a literal night and day difference in his pain level, aches, demeanor, and energy. Phillip has always kept me on my toes and now its not his cancer that is keeping me guessing, but his day-to-day projects leaving me wondering where he is and what he's up to. It feels like the Phillip I have known for all of these years is finally back and Lenie and I just left love it. He's been feeling so well I'm back on the non-linear grief process and questioning whether they really have his diagnosis right.

I was putting Lenie to bed last week when she told me, "Mom, I can tell Dad's cancer is getting smaller because he played games with me tonight. I bet his cancer is now the size of my eye!" She is soaking up his energy and attention and it melts my heart.

In other positive news, Phillip was nominated and chosen as a recipient for the "Strong as Stone" program at Agate Lake Resort in Nisswa. We were given a free weekend stay in a cabin at the resort to make memories as a family. Our close friends, Steph & DJ, nominated Phillip, and we are so grateful for their thoughtfulness. We had our stay at the resort last weekend and we soaked up some quality family time and enjoyed the lake and all the amenities. We are so thankful to the resort for giving us the opportunity to sneak away and feel "normalcy" again. As we navigate this journey, the kindness of others has renewed my faith in humanity. Any gesture, big or small, by a friend or stranger, reminds me we are not in this alone.

This past Monday Phillip had chemo scheduled at 8:15am in Edina. As all Minnesotans know, there really are two seasons here, Winter and Construction. Our 35-40 minute drive (depends on which F1 driver Phillip is impersonating), became 2 hours on Monday due to road construction. It was the kind of traffic where you are at a dead stop and crrawwwllliinnnnggg forward. There were no off-ramps or ways to try and reroute. We were stuck and had to endure the torturous hue of red brake lights in our eyes. After two episodes of sitting in traffic and watching Survivor, we finally arrived at the clinic. Unfortunately, we were told there was no way they could squeeze Phillip in late. Like teenagers being denied from the popular party, we left rejected and trying to find the silver lining. Selfishly, I was glad energized Phillip would stay awhile longer.

We are eager for Phillip's rescheduled appointment for next Monday. Unfortunately, this will make it a month again since his last chemo. I do not know if these long breaks help or hurt the process. All I know is that if one round of his new chemo drug has him feeling this good, I can't imagine what 5 or 10 infusions will look like. Buckle up, friends. The energized Phillip may be staying.

We also recently found out that Phillip was not accepted into the clinical trial that Dr. Tatineni believed he might qualify for. We had suspected this and had put very little hope in this first clinical trial attempt. But science is amazing and there will be others. When I'm not taking care of Lenie or all the animals, I've been spending my free time researching other trials that align with Phillip's cancer biomarkers. There is reassurance that there are others.

As some of you may have seen on the news, there is a new pancreatic cancer drug that is showing very promising results. The hope is this same science can be applied to other types of cancer. Its breakthroughs like these that are advancing more targeted, effective care. And yet, so much more must be done. Funding has been stripped from critical institutions like the National Institute of Health, the very organizations driving the groundbreaking treatments that change the course of a diagnosis.

As I listen to our sweet daughter talk about the size of Phillip's cancer, its a conversation I never expected to have with her. But she has watched her Dad take his Ironman strength and channel it towardss a grueling cancer battle. Through it all, Lenie has faced this new chapter with remarkable grace. She continues to pursue her passions and the things that bring her joy, such as art.

That's why I'm excited to share the launch of Lenie's Palette, where art meets purpose with all proceeds going directly to cancer research.

If you're able to support, purchasing a print would mean more than you know.

Kelley