Glimmers Everywhere

Somehow, in the blink of an eye, it's already August. July was packed with regular chemotherapy sessions, which were exactly what was necessary. Thankfully, there were no unforeseen drops in hemoglobin or white blood cell counts that would lead to a canceled infusion.

Phillip's hemoglobin continues to hover at 7.9 and I think we've accepted that as his new "normal." He also has been receiving an injection to boost white blood cells and this has proven to keep those numbers within an acceptable range. Never did we ever think we'd be cheering for the consistency of a chemo infusion schedule, but here we are.

Phillip disconnected from chemo today and proves again he will not let cancer slow him down. While connected to chemo yesterday, he golfed 18 holes and finished at -2. He just continues to amaze me.

We appreciate the normalcy and consistency that came with July after the June ICU debacle. Three weeks after the ICU, Phillip had another endoscopy, which confirmed his ruptured varices had fully healed. During the scope, the doctor noticed new ulcers on his esophagus, likely caused by the bands rubbing. These ulcers added a new medication to his daily regimen for a short time. The plan is another endoscopy in three months to continue monitoring the varices and confirm the ulcers have healed.

We also met with a liver specialist in July and left waiting on next steps. The good news is that while Phillip has liver damage, it's not severe enough to require a stent. While that was reassuring to hear, I'm constantly scared of another rupture happening. Every cough to clear his throat has me on edge, and I know I need to work harder at being an unbothered black cat.

For the last month, Phillip has seemed to be feeling pretty well, which we believe is indicative of the chemo doing its job. The fatigue still exists, but his pain has been nearly non-existent this summer. It has been truly great to see.

Every Wednesday of a chemo week, I anxiously wait for his CEA tumor marker numbers to be posted. This morning, when I logged into the portal, I was happy to see the continued downward trend - his marker is now at 6. (When this started, his tumor marker was 147!) While at times it feels like we're in a perpetual state of hell, I need to remind myself to be patient and know great progress is being made.

This past week, we went on a seven-day cruise with my family and made some great memories. It was a trip for the books and we are grateful to have experienced Alaska and it's raw beauty.

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Phillip did what he does best, and ate a lot of ice cream cones.

We enjoyed some great off-shore excursions and dove into plenty of the on-board activities too. One night, Lenie surprised all of us by announcing she wanted to do karaoke. She chose "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten and asked Phillip to sing it with her. So there we were, in one of the ship's bars, watching Lenie and Phillip belt it out together. I was proud of Lenie for her bravery, but watching her share that moment with her dad was something else.

Phillip's upcoming scan is set for August 13th, and we're eager to sit down with Dr. Tatineni on the 17th to go over the results. The anticipation alone has already gotten to me because my eye's been twitching for days. My only hope is that the cancer has shrunk, and that this scan comes back "unremarkable."

Regardless, we will keep one foot in gratitude for a good month, and one foot bracing for whatever the 13th and 17th bring. I've stopped expecting a moment where the worry fully lets go, but I have started noticing more glimmers everywhere. Cancer doesn't get to have all of it. We'll take the scan as it comes, and we'll keep choosing to notice the glimmers in the meantime.

Kelley