The Plan

Phillip had his CT scan on April 20th and based upon how he had been feeling we assumed all would come back as stable. As usual, I anxiously awaited the MyChart "Test Result" notification that holds your whole world in two words.

The days have blurred together since the results came in, and I couldn't even tell you which day last week it was, only that it was not the 20th. The scanxiety and anticipation were challenging and for a girl thats always struggled with patience, this was tough. We had harnessed all the positivity that was put out into the world and we both just felt the results would be positive, they had to be.

The final impression from the results read "mild progression" and we are holding on to those words because the details of the CT indicated otherwise to us.

The CT revealed "greater than 40" new nodules in his lungs, which was absolutely shocking news and not something we would consider "mild." What makes it even harder to comprehend is that his CEA tumor marker has remained stable for the last three cycles.

This result made my mind spin and I began thinking about how well Phillip has been feeling and that none of this made sense. Given how well he has been, Phillip has been doing intense yard work for the last two weeks - big projects, including cutting down numerous trees using a boom truck.

After seeing the lung findings, I began researching if sawdust in the lungs could be mistaken for "nodules." The internet was not helpful and Phillip must be one of the only people to have cancer and still have the energy to cut down trees. But there is still some wishful thinking on my part that this is all sawdust inhalation.

The results also indicated the pelvic mass has started to press on his kidney and

has caused some swelling. This will need to be monitored moving forward. I don't know how to sugar coat this new development.

However, the good news from the scan is that nearly all of the liver tumors have remained stable and we are holding on to this glimmer.

Our much anticipated appointment with Dr. Tatineni was today. Sitting with the results from last week was heavy but I kept reminding us: There is always a plan. We had already reached out to her after the results came in, sending our questions and concerns ahead of time so we could make the most of today.

Dr. Tatineni's calmness in our discussions has a way of walking me back from the ledge. She confidently told us the new plan, which includes introducing Panitumumbab (or "Pannekoeken Huis" as Phillip calls it) into his regimen. This is a targeted drug for Phillip's specific cancer profile and Dr. Tatineni has told us she anticipates it will work very well to de-bulk all of his tumors.

Dr. Tatineni also showed us the CT imaging of the lungs and, while there were some spots peppered through Phillip's lungs, there definitely did not appear to be forty flecks of "sawdust." (Perhaps the radiologist took Shakopee math - IYKYK).

Unfortunately, treatment with the new drug could not begin today as we are pending insurance approval. Once again, we are reminded that we are not in control of our own health and insurance dictates our care. Knowing there is disease progression and treatment is now delayed another week does not sit well for me.

Today has brought a lot of feelings for both of us, relief, fear, sadness, and motivation. Right now, it feels like cancer is winning and that is scary and heartbreaking. But knowing we have the next plan in place brings reassurance and the need to blast Eminem's "Lose Yourself" as loud as possible in the car.